There was a man who really took good care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror - yes, he was a bit vain - and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So, he decided to do something about it.He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon encountering the penis sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady,
"There's no justice in the world."
The other lady asked what she meant.The lady with the cane replied,
"When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too old to squat....
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
good date
These three women were roommates.
One night they all had all gone out on dates and all came home at about the same time.
The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stay stickin onto the wall.She said, "
Now that's called a Good date!"
One night they all had all gone out on dates and all came home at about the same time.
The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stay stickin onto the wall.She said, "
Now that's called a Good date!"
A poem from a black fella to a white fella
A poem from a black fella to a white fella.
Dear white fella, somethings you should know:
when I was born, I black
when I grow up, I black
when I go in sun, I black
when I cold, I black
when I scared, I black
when I mad, I black
when I sick, I black
and when I die, I still black.
You white fella:
when you born, you pink
when you grow up, you white
when you go sun, you brown
when you cold, you blue
when you scared, you yellow
when you mad, you red
when you sick, you green
and when you die, you grey.
And you have the fuckin' nerve to call me colored
Dear white fella, somethings you should know:
when I was born, I black
when I grow up, I black
when I go in sun, I black
when I cold, I black
when I scared, I black
when I mad, I black
when I sick, I black
and when I die, I still black.
You white fella:
when you born, you pink
when you grow up, you white
when you go sun, you brown
when you cold, you blue
when you scared, you yellow
when you mad, you red
when you sick, you green
and when you die, you grey.
And you have the fuckin' nerve to call me colored
Thursday, March 26, 2009
The birthday present
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal.Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love,P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
How a marriage works
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'
'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,
'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'
........and, they lived happily ever after.
Now, isn't that a sweet story?
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'
'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,
'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'
........and, they lived happily ever after.
Now, isn't that a sweet story?
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